It has been said that “love is blind,” which means that love knows no barriers, rules or formulas. However, there is a less inspiring aspect to this sightlessness, too: love can also make people oblivious to signs that their significant other may not be their soul mate after all. These red flags include:
- You’re superficially conversing with each other, but you aren’t truly communicating. For example, you can easily talk about your favorite TV shows, the weather, friends, sports, music and so on, but your partner won’t talk about feelings, concerns, problems, goals and plans.
- You’re growing up — but they aren’t. People are supposed to mature as they go through life experiences,both positive and negative. If your partner is still behaving and thinking the same now as they did five years ago, then they aren’t interested in hopping on the maturity bus — and you may need to leave them behind.
- You’re not allowed to change. Let’s say that five years ago you couldn’t imagine learning to play music — it wasn’t just absent from your bucket list, but you wouldn’t head to a store like the Manchester Music Violin Shop and get lessons if someone paid you to do so. But now, learning to play music is something that you want to explore. If your partner gets aggressive or defensive, then beware: they might be (and probably are) insecure and threatened that you are expanding your horizons.
- There’s a lack of trust. If your partner interrogates you to find out where you’ve been and who you’ve met, or if they go through your phone or computer to snoop on your texts and emails, then “Houston: You’ve Got a Trust Problem.” Hopefully, you can have a serious and sensible discussion and clear things up. Otherwise, be careful: it is likely going to get worse over time,not better.
- Your good friends don’t like your partner. This doesn’t mean you should do whatever your friends say. But if the people who know you best tell you that they think or feel something is “wrong” in your relationship, at the very least hear what they have to say. Yes, their concerns may be baseless, or they may have misunderstood something. But there is also a possibility that they may tell you something that you need to hear — and perhaps, already know deep inside but have been afraid to bring to the surface.
The Bottom Line
The fact that your relationship may be on the rocks doesn’t mean you should head for the emergency lifeboat and float away on your own. Unless the situation is abusive, you should speak with your partner to discuss your concerns — and be prepared to listen to theirs, too. If all goes well, then your relationship will only get stronger and better.